Pandemic feelings
2020 got off to a great start. We were all very excited for what the new year would bring and how many new goals we would achieve in this year. Then came March and all of a sudden the whole country was shaken and life changed for everyone as we entered into a pandemic and began being quarantined. For most of us initially it wasn’t too bad initially. We were all running to the stores to stock up for what we expected to last a few weeks but here we are about 5 months later and now we’ve realized that this pandemic doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Businesses are still closed, we still have to wear mask, large social gatherings are still not recommended and the number of cases and deaths is continuing to rise daily. But what a lot of people aren’t talking about is how this pandemic has affected us mentally and emotionally. I’m going to talk about this from an angel daughter perspective.
The biggest thing that I have noticed is that my mom is on my mind much more often than usual. Now this is not to say that I didn’t think about my mom everyday before but it is different now. For most of us hearing about the large increases in cases and seeing how life has changed can be discouraging at times. Although I truly believe that God will continue to take care of us, my mom was the person that I would talk to anytime something major occurred. Thus, here we have this major event in our world and I just long to talk to her for encouragement and to hear her perspective about what is going on.
My mom was also a big news watcher, she literally watched the news about 4 times a day. I, on the other hand, never watched the news until now as I have to watch it sometimes or at least go online to stay up to date with what is going on. I have to admit, this is a little selfish and lazy of me, but I definitely miss her updates now more than ever about whatever is going on in the world, country, state or our city. I still miss things that I know she would have kept me updated about. For example, I didn’t know anything about the curfew Raleigh had in place a few months ago until the day of, nor did I know when the time was changed from 8 to 10pm but I’m sure I would have been well aware if mom was here. Thanks to my husband who stays up to date with the news and to my social media followers I found out through them. On the other hand because I have to occasionally watch the news now, it also increases the time that I spend thinking about my mom because I often wonder what she is thinking/saying watching me as I look at it.
In contrast, because of my line of work, everyday I think about my mom as I see patients coming in for chemotherapy. At times I am grateful that she isn’t here going through chemotherapy treatments during this time because I know that I would worry about her health and safety as an immunocompromised person. I went with my mom to most of her chemo treatments and we played games, watched shows, talked and just had some bonding time therefore the thought of not being able to go in with her for treatment and having to be treated alone bothers me and gives me a sense of gratitude.
The biggest thing I have noticed is that I think about my mom more because of the increase in idle time that I have. Prior to the pandemic I was always busy doing something but now I go to work and come home aside from small things such as a drive-thru or the grocery store occasionally. This increase in time allows you to think more and ultimately think about the person you are missing which in this case is my mom. I’m sure you all have heard the saying “an idle mind is the devils workshop.” Prior to COVID, when I thought about my mom it was either associated with a happy memory related to an activity I was doing thus causing me to smile or laugh or if it were in a sad context I always had something to do after that moment. Therefore, the sad feeling didn’t have a long time to linger. For some people, you work from home more now and if you are single and/or living by yourself I can only imagine how much harder this is for you because you are now reminded more than ever of that missing person or thing in your life. The pandemic has changed all of this as we now find ourselves spending way more time sitting at home ultimately giving us more time to think and sink into our thoughts whether happy or sad. This can lead to a state of depression, if you aren’t careful.
So what do you do… for me I pray a lot and ask God for strength. I allow myself to feel. If I have a moment of sadness I embrace it, I cry but then I am intentional about not allowing myself to stay in that space too long. I talk with my friends and have zoom gatherings to help keep me active. My husband and I have done several virtual gatherings including virtual game nights, a virtual escape room and virtual cooking classes. I go for walks and sit outside to get some fresh air and help clear my mind and I journal. Certainly, if you feel as if you are going into a state of depression or just not yourself then I recommend that you to seek professional help by scheduling an appointment with a therapist. Some companies offer these resources for free, so definitely look into your options and consult your PCP.
It’s amazing how one thing can change the world so quickly and affect so many different areas of our lives. You may not be an angel daughter but maybe you have lost another loved one, or your pet or a job or something/someone else that was very important to you and therefore you can relate to some of these things in a different way. If that’s you, know that I am praying for you. For those of you who this doesn’t relate I am sure that you know someone who it does. Thus, I encourage you to check in on your friends and family who may be in this situation as now is the time when they may need you the most. We are all in this together.
I would love to hear from you…please share any words of encouragement for someone reading this post who may be having a difficult time or ways that you are dealing with this as ideas for others.
