Letters To My Mom - Day 2
Guest Blogger: Sheila
Dear Mom,
What do I say….so much in my heart right now so be patient with me because you know I will switch gears in a hot minute.
Wow, it has been almost 19 years yet sometimes it feels like only yesterday that you transitioned. That day will forever be etched in my heart.
You gave me a beautiful gift that many never get and that was our very last conversation. You told me in that soft kind voice that I had been a good daughter and that I had always given my all to you and that you loved me so much and for that I will forever be grateful. As I held your hand you slept away, and my life was forever changed.
Thank you God for choosing her to be my mom. Through all her heartbreaks and sadness that she endured on her journey that you laid out for her she never once stopped giving you praise and passed that down to me. As I think about some of the things that you taught me that I carry with me every day and try my best to live up to I am thankful and grateful for the lessons learned. I have listed a few below. You know me so these are not in any order- only the first one.
Keep God first.
It is okay to fail but never okay to quit.
Trust yourself because you are smarter and stronger than you think.
Live, live and live some more (now this one I get wrong because yes I am still a loner at times)
Be honest, kind, and trustworthy.
Forgiveness (well you know me)
Be yourself (I still get in a little trouble about this one- that no nonsense attitude)
Allow others in your heart (I am still very guarded because you were my best friend but I do try)
Thank you for allowing me to be me and loving me even when I did not love myself. Hard lesson learned and mistake made yet you were always there to pick up the pieces without telling me I told you so. Our bond shared was so unique and special because with your sickness we spend a lot of time talking and really getting to know each other. Whew we could talk up a storm about any and everything.
Mother’s Day is coming up and I still find it hard to enjoy the day. I smile and laugh but inside my heart breaks because I miss you so much. It is hard to explain it to others because the only ones that get it are other daughters that have mom angels. It bothers me to see other moms and daughter out enjoying each others company when you are no longer here (working on it but it is hard).
As I close this letter to you (yes tears are falling) I miss and love you so much that it hurts. Thank you for guiding me, loving me and always having my back.
Always and forever proud to be your daughter.
PS…I included my favorite picture of you and dad because it is one of the few picture that you are standing before rheumatoid arthritis claimed your body (so stop saying why she pick that picture).
Until we meet again…love you
P.S. AN ENCOURAGING WORD TO MY ANGEL DAUGHTER SISTER
To my DOMA sister,
Do what you have to so you can cope with your new normal- even therapy. I would love to say it get easier as the years pass but it doesn’t but it does get more manageable at times. It is okay not to be okay but do not let it dominate your life. Get in the corner and cry just don’t stay there. Reach out to others when you feel like you need someone to understand those feelings. I have a big shoulder and we can cry together. I will keep you in my prayers and do the same for me.
Sheila
