Letters To My Mom - Day 3
Guest Blogger: Suzette
Dear Mommy,
Happy Mothers’ Day!! Where do I begin.. I must say, bringing myself to write this letter has been one of the hardest moments on my grief journey. As I consider why and what to say, the idea of writing you a letter just seems strange. Not because you’re no longer living, but because, to me, the idea of writing someone a letter implies formality and that the recipient is at a great distance away. Likely, too far to call when you need them, so far away you can’t hear their voice, or even so distant you can no longer feel their touch. You see, Mommy, despite that one time I went to that horrid overnight summer camp (lol), I thank God that you, even now, have never felt too far away. Despite the fact that you left this Earth nearly 3 years ago, each day I am consumed by your presence. Not a day goes by where I am not living out the things you taught me and not a day goes by where I don’t catch myself thinking and saying things you would say. I even chuckle at times when one of your sayings comes to mind and perfectly fits the need..
“Lord, if it ain’t one thing it’s another..”
“Just do your best, that’s all we can ask..”
“Trust me, I know.. I have been there.”
“That’s alright, the Lord will bless you.”
“I tell y’all all the time, treat people the way you want to be treated.”
And dare I forget, “Just pray about it. It will be alright. The Lord will make a way.”
Each then seemed like a rehearsed response to the day to day and, if I’m being honest, it almost seemed as if you weren’t listening. It just felt like your “go to” phrase or your “preachy” moments, but boy was I wrong! OH, WHAT I WOULD GIVE to see you smile again and hear you say, in the way you would, “it’s alright..”.
Mommy, I have lived just a little while longer and I find great comfort and affirmation in these small tidbits of WISDOM. Wisdom, that’s what you were full of. I had no idea then, but wisdom and truth is what you instilled in me daily. You are still so much a part of my walk, the way I talk, how I live my life and most certainly how I care for others. You speak to me in both the big and small decisions, and you coach me through life’s hardest challenges. I am through and through you! Mommy, I am so grateful to God that in the short time I had with you I grew to know you the way I do, helping your absence not feel as far.
I miss you so much, Mommy. The way you went all in for your family, the way you would push through your pain, both physical and emotional. How you would give your last to those in need, yet have no cares or worries because your faith was that BIG. There was no mistaking your love for God and He is the greatest gift I inherit. You may have not always said what I hoped for, instead you listened. You may not have given me all the answers, but you modeled empathy. You did not fight all my battles for me, but you equipped me to withstand.
As I prepare for this Mother’s day, and the many days and years to come, Mommy, I choose to stand. I move forward in your confidence, resting in all your wisdom - my God is good, I am blessed, keep loving on others, do your best, and everything will be alright. Thank you, Mommy, for everything.
I love you.
Suzette
P.S. AN ENCOURAGING WORD TO MY ANGEL DAUGHTER SISTER
Although not physically present, know that her presence is always with you. Lean on the wisdom and tools she instilled in you to keep moving forward each day. And in the moments when you feel as if you need her most, know that she will always show you a sign to let you know she’s still there.
