A Different Holiday
Eight years ago, December 23rd, my mother transition to her heavenly home. Thus, the Christmas holiday season changed for me. Christmas was my mother’s favorite holiday and one that she always made sure was celebrated in a grand way. She was a big gift giver and always made sure I had plenty of presents under the tree. She loved to shop so Christmas shopping was always a big ordeal. She loved decorations, both inside and out. She felt that aside from these things, and of course celebrating the birth of Jesus, one of the most important things about Christmas is getting together with family. I’m sure you can understand how not having my mother during this season has changed my perspective on the holidays. This year, the holidays are different for all of us with the pandemic and being advised not to gather. Individuals, like me, who are used to gathering with family are now finding themselves spending Christmas alone or with those in their home, only. For this reason, Christmas is completely different. Dealing with grief during the holidays can be tough and an emotional rollercoaster. There are some years when it doesn’t bother me at all and there are some where I find myself more emotional. It’s amazing how the smallest thing can trigger an emotion. I believe that being in a pandemic has exuberated the already difficult time that some may be having. Grief is defined as the process of reacting to a loss. Unfortunately, this year, although you may not realize it, many individuals are experiencing holiday grief. For some, this may be because a close love one has passed. For others, simply due to not being around those you love. Since my mother passed away two days before Christmas my experience with holiday grief began early in my journey. With that, I’ve learned a few things along the way that I’d like to share with the hope it can help others get through the holiday season.
1) Allow yourself to feel. As I previously stated, this time of year can be full of a mixture of emotions. Sometimes, it can be for a moment while other times it can last for a full day or longer. Whatever one it is for you, allow yourself the grace to embrace whatever you’re feeling. If you have a moment where you feel sad for any reason, accept the feeling and think of why you’re feeling that way. Need to cry? Go for it! Once you fully embrace your feelings, do your best to find joy so you don’t stay in a rut. If you do find yourself there, please seek professional help.
2) Recreate something that you miss to honor past traditions. This can often times help you feel closer to them during this season. For example, if your mother loved to bake at Christmas try making once of her recipes. For me, my mom loved the NC Food Bank. She served on their board and she ran the local churches food pantry. In her honor, I volunteered at the food bank December 23rd.
3) Share some love with others. It is amazing how giving to someone else is as fulfilling for you as it is for the receiver. The biggest gift we can give this season is our love. Whether it’s something as simple as sending a Christmas card, adopting a child/family or simply giving something to your neighbor. I encourage you to find a way to share some kindness and love with someone else as it’s sure to brighten up your day and mood.
4) Virtual connections are powerful. This is something that I’ve learned this year due to the pandemic. We’ve truly transitioned to a more virtual world. Prior to this pandemic, I felt the most effective way to connect with loved ones is in person. Not to discredit the power of physical prsence, I’ve also found there is power in virtual connections. Being able to see each other’s faces via zoom or facetime and speak with those you love has allowed us to fill some of the voids. It’s also allowed for more connections to take place as some who may not be able to join in person are able to join via the internet. For my family, it was different not being able to gather at Thanksgiving, but thanks to Zoom we were still able to spend some time together as we had a family call. What made it even more special, family members from California to New York were able to participate. I was able to spend time with people who I hadn’t spent time with in over 10 years! With that, we made a decision to have a more zoom calls to keep the communication going. This leads me to my fifth point.
5) Last, but not least, pray. It seems cliché, but I can attest to the fact that Lord has been and continues to be my strength during the days I may feel low. Praying has helped pick me up and allowed me to continue to move forward. No matter where you find yourself in the grief spectrum, I encourage you to pray for yourself as well as others. Some may be having a hard time whether it’s because their missing a loved one who has passed on or they’re simply missing their family, friends and normal holiday gatherings.
There are plenty of other things I’ve learned over the past eight years, but these are the things I wanted to share with you all. I hope not to matter what you do this Christmas season you find time to relax and to smile. Know that I’m praying for you and thinking of you. Thanks for all of your support of Daughter of Mom Angels in 2020 and 2021 in advance. I look forward to the future of DOMA for 2021 and I hope you do as well.
My mom loved wearing her Christmas sweaters. So now, each year I wear them during Christmas week.
